Delivering the dough: More women are primary earners
Four in ten working wives out-earned their husbands in 2009.
Doug Stanger gets his daughters, Aili, 4, and Olivia, 2, ready for child care at their home in Urbandale. Doug, a staff sergeant in the Iowa National Guard, takes care of the couple's daughters while Kristina Stanger, an attorney at Nymaster Goode, works downtown. / Bryon Houlgrave/The Register
“For us, it’s about working as a team and doing what’s best for our family,” says Kristina Stanger, a Des Moines lawyer and a major in the Iowa National Guard who served in Iraq.
“It’s good I don’t feel competitive with Kris, because she kicks my butt in just about everything,” joked Doug Stanger, a full-time Iowa National Guard staff sergeant who has served two tours in Afghanistan. The couple has two daughters, Aili, 4, and Olivia, 2. “She makes more and she outranks me.”
In America and Iowa, a growing number of women like Kristina Stanger are becoming the primary breadwinners for their families. Nearly four in 10 working wives nationally out-earned their husbands in 2009, an increase of more than 50 percent from 20 years before, according to federal data cited in a recent Time magazine article by Liza Mundy, who wrote a book on the topic.
“Assuming present trends continue, by the next generation, more families will be supported by women than by men,” Mundy writes. “Not since women entered the work force by the millions after World War II has America witnessed economic change on this scale.”
In Iowa, about 27 percent of working women earn more than their husbands, said Liesl Eathington, an Iowa State University economist who analyzed census data from 2008 to 2010. A decade earlier, about 23 percent of Iowa wives took home more pay, her data show.
Iowa sometimes lacks opportunities
Among the reasons Iowa lags the U.S.: Earnings for both Iowa men and women trail those of the nation, with the greatest disparity for Iowa women, data show. And high-level pay opportunities can be limited for working couples, especially in rural areas of the state.That problem becomes more visible in Iowa’s population trends. Talented workers, especially young Iowans, have long moved from the state’s rural areas to metropolitan areas, and from the state, said Dave Swenson, also an ISU economist.
“In the areas where we see Iowa women emerging — law, finance, medicine, engineering, computer science — they tend to make substantially less than the national averages,” Swenson said. “So if you’re advancing in those areas … there’s probably limited opportunities for you in Iowa. So you’re going to move on.”
The state’s “brain drain” focus has zeroed in on keeping young workers, ages 25 to 34, a demographic that climbed 5.4 percent in the 2010 census. But the most severe hemorrhaging of workers is ages 35 to 44, experienced employees who are their most productive, Swenson said.
Over the past decade, Iowa saw an 18 percent decline in those workers, double the national rate.
Contrary to popular belief among policymakers, Swenson said, quality-of-life issues such as safe neighborhoods, affordable housing and quality schools often aren’t enough to outweigh the loss of earning opportunities.
“In a family with two working people, having a big range of lifetime career opportunities is important,” he said, noting that Iowa metros compete more favorably with other parts of the country than rural Iowa.
Staying home 'felt like a natural choice'
Women like Stanger and Sarah Sullivan Bigelow, a Des Moines pharmaceutical account manager, say they never set out to become breadwinners. But decisions they and their husbands made over time landed them in the chief earning positions.Sullivan Bigelow said she and her husband, Nick Bigelow, always dreamed of a large family. And after their first daughter, Suzanne, arrived nearly seven years ago, they decided it would be easier for Bigelow to take time from working as a math teacher.
“We were both willing to stay home, but I loved the idea,” Bigelow said. “It felt like a natural choice for me. I didn’t feel like I was sacrificing anything.”
The couple has since added Shannon, 5, and Jolenne, 3, and a fourth daughter is expected in August. Bigelow, who jokes he’s a domestic engineer, juggles duties like dinner, dance lessons and carpooling along with chores like yard work and managing the household finances. “I am on the moms group email list,” he said.
Sullivan Bigelow said it would have been difficult for her to re-enter the rapidly changing — and consolidating — pharmaceutical industry.
“We do business a lot differently,” she said. The couple agreed early in their marriage they would move as needed so she could advance, and lived in places including Chicago, St. Louis and Kansas City. And she earned an MBA along the way.
Not all family members supported Sullivan Bigelow’s promotions. “Instead of congratulations, it was, ‘What more does the company expect of you?’ ” Sullivan Bigelow said she heard. “It’s not like I didn’t hold my hand up. I wanted those experiences.”
The payoff for their family, she said, is a good-paying job that enables her to work from home when she’s not traveling, and a chance to raise their children near her family. And Bigelow’s willingness to stay home “makes it easier for me when I have to be away,” Sullivan Bigelow said.
The Bigelows’ arrangement, with only one spouse in the work force, is a greater exception to the rule in Iowa than elsewhere, said ISU’s Eathington. In Iowa, about 80 percent of the labor force has both spouses working, vs. 67 percent nationally.
“For a lot of couples in Iowa, both spouses are working because they need the income,” she said. “One spouse stepping back is a luxury.”
Bigelow, whose family lives on the West Coast, said, “We couldn’t live on one salary in California.”
“This is a choice that not every family can make,” said Sullivan Bigelow, especially following one of the worst recessions in history. “The best-laid plans for a lot of families have been derailed. My organization has had multiple cuts, and we hold our breath every time.”
Families, colleagues at times push back
Kristina Stanger decided as a girl she wanted to be a lawyer. She watched her father work “two, three, four jobs” and commute long hours to find work in the state’s shrinking manufacturing industry. It prompted her mother to train to become a nurse.“It was a real inspiration, not only my mom going back to school, but my dad’s support,” she said. “It was an example of parents doing what it took to get the family what it needed.”
The Stangers say their careers have both taken a back seat to the other’s at times: He gave up his officer’s commission to move to Des Moines so she could go to Drake law school. She slowed efforts to become a partner, so she could better support their family when he deployed.
“When he called, I needed to drop everything. That could be the last time I talked with him,” she said. “That’s the reality of what he does.”
The Stangers say they’ve had push-back as well — concern from Kristina’s family that she would fail to become an attorney; concern from commanding officers and family members when Doug stepped off the military fast track.
“Some people questioned my sincerity and commitment to Doug because I had professional aspirations … maybe I didn’t love my husband if I was the breadwinner,” said Kristina Stanger. “But I think Doug corrected them.”
“I simply said: Don’t ruin my meal ticket,” he joked, adding that he and his wife also consider his nonpaycheck contributions to the family, like his strong health care benefits that have saved them significant medical bills.
He said he would consider staying home with their girls when he retires from the military. “I’d totally do it. In a heartbeat. At that age, they’ll have dance, school, soccer practice.”
About the only time Doug Stanger said he was uncomfortable with their role reversal was when his wife was called to active duty before he was. “Here I was a career soldier, active duty, and my wife who had been in the Guard a few years was serving in combat and leading troops before I did.
“She was in a (medical) unit that needed to go over right away, and my unit didn’t,” he said. “I was a little jealous. But I realized quickly it was childish. ... She was overseas, doing her job and was in harm’s way.
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