Delivering the dough: More women are primary earners Four in ten working wives out-earned their husbands in 2009.

Delivering the dough: More women are primary earners

Four in ten working wives out-earned their husbands in 2009.

Doug Stanger gets his daughters, Aili, 4, and Olivia, 2, ready for child care at their home in Urbandale. Doug, a staff sergeant in the Iowa National Guard, takes care of the couple's daughters while Kristina Stanger, an attorney at Nymaster Goode, works downtown. / Bryon Houlgrave/The Register

Kristina Stanger helps her daughter, Olivia, 2, find breakfast while her husband, Doug, packs lunch for Olivia and daughter Aili. Doug, a staff sergeant in the Iowa National Guard, takes care of the girls while Kristina, a lawyer, works downtown. / Bryon Houlgrave/The Register

Sarah Sullivan Bigelow is a pharmaceutical account manager, while Nick Bigelow stays at home. / Mary Chind/The Register

With three tours in Iraq and Afghanistan between them, Doug and Kristina Stanger worry little about who makes the most money — or has the highest rank.
“For us, it’s about working as a team and doing what’s best for our family,” says Kristina Stanger, a Des Moines lawyer and a major in the Iowa National Guard who served in Iraq.
“It’s good I don’t feel competitive with Kris, because she kicks my butt in just about everything,” joked Doug Stanger, a full-time Iowa National Guard staff sergeant who has served two tours in Afghanistan. The couple has two daughters, Aili, 4, and Olivia, 2. “She makes more and she outranks me.”
In America and Iowa, a growing number of women like Kristina Stanger are becoming the primary breadwinners for their families. Nearly four in 10 working wives nationally out-earned their husbands in 2009, an increase of more than 50 percent from 20 years before, according to federal data cited in a recent Time magazine article by Liza Mundy, who wrote a book on the topic.
“Assuming present trends continue, by the next generation, more families will be supported by women than by men,” Mundy writes. “Not since women entered the work force by the millions after World War II has America witnessed economic change on this scale.”
In Iowa, about 27 percent of working women earn more than their husbands, said Liesl Eathington, an Iowa State University economist who analyzed census data from 2008 to 2010. A decade earlier, about 23 percent of Iowa wives took home more pay, her data show.

Iowa sometimes lacks opportunities

Among the reasons Iowa lags the U.S.: Earnings for both Iowa men and women trail those of the nation, with the greatest disparity for Iowa women, data show. And high-level pay opportunities can be limited for working couples, especially in rural areas of the state.
That problem becomes more visible in Iowa’s population trends. Talented workers, especially young Iowans, have long moved from the state’s rural areas to metropolitan areas, and from the state, said Dave Swenson, also an ISU economist.
“In the areas where we see Iowa women emerging — law, finance, medicine, engineering, computer science — they tend to make substantially less than the national averages,” Swenson said. “So if you’re advancing in those areas … there’s probably limited opportunities for you in Iowa. So you’re going to move on.”
The state’s “brain drain” focus has zeroed in on keeping young workers, ages 25 to 34, a demographic that climbed 5.4 percent in the 2010 census. But the most severe hemorrhaging of workers is ages 35 to 44, experienced employees who are their most productive, Swenson said.
Over the past decade, Iowa saw an 18 percent decline in those workers, double the national rate.
Contrary to popular belief among policymakers, Swenson said, quality-of-life issues such as safe neighborhoods, affordable housing and quality schools often aren’t enough to outweigh the loss of earning opportunities.
“In a family with two working people, having a big range of lifetime career opportunities is important,” he said, noting that Iowa metros compete more favorably with other parts of the country than rural Iowa.

Staying home 'felt like a natural choice'

Women like Stanger and Sarah Sullivan Bigelow, a Des Moines pharmaceutical account manager, say they never set out to become breadwinners. But decisions they and their husbands made over time landed them in the chief earning positions.
Sullivan Bigelow said she and her husband, Nick Bigelow, always dreamed of a large family. And after their first daughter, Suzanne, arrived nearly seven years ago, they decided it would be easier for Bigelow to take time from working as a math teacher.
“We were both willing to stay home, but I loved the idea,” Bigelow said. “It felt like a natural choice for me. I didn’t feel like I was sacrificing anything.”
The couple has since added Shannon, 5, and Jolenne, 3, and a fourth daughter is expected in August. Bigelow, who jokes he’s a domestic engineer, juggles duties like dinner, dance lessons and carpooling along with chores like yard work and managing the household finances. “I am on the moms group email list,” he said.
Sullivan Bigelow said it would have been difficult for her to re-enter the rapidly changing — and consolidating — pharmaceutical industry.
“We do business a lot differently,” she said. The couple agreed early in their marriage they would move as needed so she could advance, and lived in places including Chicago, St. Louis and Kansas City. And she earned an MBA along the way.
Not all family members supported Sullivan Bigelow’s promotions. “Instead of congratulations, it was, ‘What more does the company expect of you?’ ” Sullivan Bigelow said she heard. “It’s not like I didn’t hold my hand up. I wanted those experiences.”
The payoff for their family, she said, is a good-paying job that enables her to work from home when she’s not traveling, and a chance to raise their children near her family. And Bigelow’s willingness to stay home “makes it easier for me when I have to be away,” Sullivan Bigelow said.
The Bigelows’ arrangement, with only one spouse in the work force, is a greater exception to the rule in Iowa than elsewhere, said ISU’s Eathington. In Iowa, about 80 percent of the labor force has both spouses working, vs. 67 percent nationally.
“For a lot of couples in Iowa, both spouses are working because they need the income,” she said. “One spouse stepping back is a luxury.”
Bigelow, whose family lives on the West Coast, said, “We couldn’t live on one salary in California.”
“This is a choice that not every family can make,” said Sullivan Bigelow, especially following one of the worst recessions in history. “The best-laid plans for a lot of families have been derailed. My organization has had multiple cuts, and we hold our breath every time.”

Families, colleagues at times push back

Kristina Stanger decided as a girl she wanted to be a lawyer. She watched her father work “two, three, four jobs” and commute long hours to find work in the state’s shrinking manufacturing industry. It prompted her mother to train to become a nurse.
“It was a real inspiration, not only my mom going back to school, but my dad’s support,” she said. “It was an example of parents doing what it took to get the family what it needed.”
The Stangers say their careers have both taken a back seat to the other’s at times: He gave up his officer’s commission to move to Des Moines so she could go to Drake law school. She slowed efforts to become a partner, so she could better support their family when he deployed.
“When he called, I needed to drop everything. That could be the last time I talked with him,” she said. “That’s the reality of what he does.”
The Stangers say they’ve had push-back as well — concern from Kristina’s family that she would fail to become an attorney; concern from commanding officers and family members when Doug stepped off the military fast track.
“Some people questioned my sincerity and commitment to Doug because I had professional aspirations … maybe I didn’t love my husband if I was the breadwinner,” said Kristina Stanger. “But I think Doug corrected them.”
“I simply said: Don’t ruin my meal ticket,” he joked, adding that he and his wife also consider his nonpaycheck contributions to the family, like his strong health care benefits that have saved them significant medical bills.
He said he would consider staying home with their girls when he retires from the military. “I’d totally do it. In a heartbeat. At that age, they’ll have dance, school, soccer practice.”
About the only time Doug Stanger said he was uncomfortable with their role reversal was when his wife was called to active duty before he was. “Here I was a career soldier, active duty, and my wife who had been in the Guard a few years was serving in combat and leading troops before I did.
“She was in a (medical) unit that needed to go over right away, and my unit didn’t,” he said. “I was a little jealous. But I realized quickly it was childish. ... She was overseas, doing her job and was in harm’s way.

Worse Father of the Year!! Liesheng of Nanjing

The latest childhood-moment-turned-viral-video isn't exactly heartwarming. A controversial video a father shot of his four-year-old son running through the snow, wearing nothing but his underwear and a pair of shoes, has sparked cries of abuse.

On a visit to the States, He Liesheng of Nanjing, China, filmed his young son whimpering and shuddering during an icy run through the streets of New York City. The video, posted anonymously after dad, He, emailed it to friends, is at the center of a debate: Is this child abuse or just extreme parenting?

Read more about parenting across cultures

But a source close to the family says the demands the father made on his son were borne out of love. "This child has received all sorts of forms of training since he was small," He's personal assistant Xin Lijuan, said in an interview with AFP. "When he was one, he started swimming in water that was 21 degrees Celsius." Born with several health problems, the boy's parents have used these extreme methods to try to boost their son's immunity. And they believe it's working, claiming the boy rarely has a cold or fever.

But the physical pain endured and the threat of hypothermia the child faced have an army of online commenters and child advocates calling the incident child cruelty. "This is what we would call child abuse," Jannah Bailey, executive director of Child Protect, an Alabama-based advocacy organization for abused children, tells Shine. "[The boy] was definitely was not enjoying it and it's not an appropriate punishment for a four-year-old."

Read more about dad Leisheng He's interview here

A few commenters on He's video were conflicted: "His father is cruel, but what he did is for the boy's good. He won't be like today's children who are only able to play with cell phones and computers," writes a viewer. Others only admonished the parents if they forced this kind of exposure on their child regularly.

But Bailey believes a video like this raises a red flag. "When a child is cold that's a parent's responsibility to keep them warm." If he fails at that, it may be a sign of bigger problems when the camera is turned off.

Since the video became a hot topic, it's been linked to writer Amy Chua, whose 'Tiger Mother' parenting approach advocates her Chinese immigrant parents' mentally rigorous child-rearing methods. But it's a mistake, and a dangerous stereotype, to assume extreme physical tests of will are commonplace among Chinese parents.

More commonplace, however, is this kind of cross-cultural co-parenting we've adapted on the web. As the hub for tender childhood moments and a soapbox for niche beliefs, the web has become the proverbial village it takes to raise a child. Parents who've never met trade advice, share memories, and sometimes serve as watchdogs and child advocates.

In her own organization, Bailey has seen social networking expose cases of abuse more than once. "We've had two cases come through Facebook," she tells Shine. "In one a parent posted pictures of daughter with duct tape over her mouth and said this was a punishment." Concerned Facebook users forwarded the photos to local police force who opened an investigation and utilized Child Protect's counseling services.

As the Internet becomes a melting pot of shared experiences, it's raising some difficult questions. When do you blow the whistle on a stranger's parenting practice. And, in a global society, is it fair to judge by your own standards?

10 Habits of Happy Parent

10 Habits of Happy Parent

OK, I copy and paste this but its worth a read-

10 Habits of Happy Moms partner
by HybridMom,
1. Find time for yourself
Happy moms know they deserve a little time to themselves. When you know you're going to have a little room to breathe later on in the day, it's easier to take on everything that's in front of you. Our formula? Take 2 hours out for yourself every 3 days.
2. Don't make a happy baby, happier!
We all do it...you see your baby's head at what you're sure is an unnatural angle snoozing in their car seat. You just know they'll be happier if their head was straight. So you move them. And they wake up. Then they scream. Or, you see them playing happily in the sand. You just know they'll be happier if they played on the slide. So you interrupt them and move them to the slide. And they're angry. And they let you know they're REALLY angry. Here's the thing, they were happy. It can be hard to do, but if your kid's not complaining, leave them be! Happy baby = Happy Mommy.

3. Embrace the mess
So your house doesn’t look like something out of a magazine. That just means it’s cozy! Your children have hands coated in dirt from the playground and faces coated in spaghetti from dinner. It’s not gross—it’s an adorable photo op! Life is about how you look at things. Next time that pile of laundry that’s been sitting on the chair for three days starts to get you down, just remember… it’s probably feng shui.

4. Make time for your friends
Your family can survive without you while you make time to see friends. You are a woman with your own identity and its imperative that you and that identity go out for some margaritas once in awhile!

5. Stop blowing yourself off
While you may be the one taking care of everyone, it doesn't mean you can't also get what you want. Help your family realize your needs are as important as theirs and when mom is happy, everyone is happy, but when mom is not....

6. Get in the zone
Take 10 minutes to do absolutely nothing but rest. Take a break from your day, close your eyes, breath in slowly and deeply through your nose and exhale through your mouth. Repeat several times. Think about a place you love that is relaxing, spend 10 minutes there in your mind.

7. Remember your dreams and goals
Everyday we are encouraging our children to reach their full potential. But sometimes in the midst of being a parent we forget about our own dreams and goals. The best thing you can do to encourage a child is to lead by example –happy moms hold on to their dreams and goals and don’t let go.

8. Be lighthearted
Don't be the uptight mom. Be silly and dance with your kids to their music or tv show tunes. Be romantic and pull your partner into a waltz. Dance in slippery socks in your kitchen while making dinner.

9. Bend the Rules
One of the best parts of making the rules is occasionally breaking them. Maybe it’s taking your child out of school for half a day on their birthday, or waking them up in the middle of the night to see a sky of shooting stars. Happy moms know how to turn the mundane into fun.

10. Mind your own business
Concentrate on creating your life the way you want it. Take care of you and your family. Don’t get overly concerned with what other people are doing or saying. Don’t get caught up with gossip or name calling. Stop seeking the validation of others and be confident in yourself.

Spanking kids can cause long-term harm: Canada study

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TORONTO (Reuters) - Spanking children can cause long-term developmental damage and may even lower a child's IQ, according to a new Canadian analysis that seeks to shift the ethical debate over corporal punishment into the medical sphere.

The study, published this week in the Canadian Medical Association Journal, reached its conclusion after examining 20 years of published research on the issue. The authors say the medical finding have been largely overlooked and overshadowed by concerns that parents should have the right to determine how their children are disciplined.

While spanking is certainly not as widespread as it was 20 years ago, many still cling to the practice and see prohibiting spanking as limiting the rights of parents.

That point of view highlights the difficulty in changing hearts and minds on the issue, despite a mountain of accumulated evidence showing the damage physical punishment can have on a child, says Joan Durant, a professor at University of Manitoba and one of the authors of the study.

"We're really past the point of calling this a controversy. That's a word that's used and I don't know why, because in the research there really is no controversy," she said in an interview.

"If we had this level of consistency in findings in any other area of health, we would be acting on it. We'd be pulling out all the stops to work on the issue."

Durant and co-author Ron Ensom, with the Children's Hospital of Eastern Ontario in Ottawa, cite research showing that physical punishment makes children more aggressive and antisocial, and can cause cognitive impairment and developmental difficulties.

Recent studies suggest it may reduce the brain's grey matter in areas relevant to intelligence testing.

"What people have realized is that physical punishment doesn't only predict aggression consistently, it also predicts internalizing kinds of difficulties, like depression and substance use," said Durant.

"There are no studies that show any long term positive outcomes from physical punishment."

While banned in 32 countries, corporal punishment of children retains at least partial social acceptance in much of the world. Debates on the issue typically revolve around the ethics of using violence to enforce discipline.

With the study, Durant hopes parents will start to look at the issue from a medical perspective.

"What we're hoping is that physicians will take that message and do more to counsel parents around this and to help them understand that physical punishment isn't getting them where they want to go," she said.

She also hopes that countries that allow the practice - including Canada - will take another look at their child protection laws.

Canada is one of more than 190 countries to have ratified the United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child, a 1989 treaty that sets out protections for children.

The treaty - which has been ratified by all UN member states except for the United States, Somalia and South Sudan - includes a passage stating that countries must protect children from "all forms of physical or mental violence".

"If we had two or three studies that showed that if you took 500 mg of vitamin C a day you could reduce cancer risk, we would all be taking 500 mg of vitamin C a day," Durant said.

"Here, we have more than 80 studies, I would say more than 100, that show the same thing (about corporal punishment), and yet we keep calling it controversial."

(Reporting By Cameron French; editing by Rob Wilson)

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The new Mr Mom will be back soon

What Would Jesus Do?

I was look at one of those old bracelets in my dresser drawer. This got me thinking, It seems What Would Jesus do, is very different meaning to many different people-

Some People like Mark Driscoll. aka “Pastor Mark,” feel God considers Stay at Home Daddy's like this- (Please note, I think God made a mistake when he created "Paster Mark" )

Pastor Mark is up and he tells us that if you’re an able-bodied man, your job is to work and provide for your family no matter what. Apparently, that means even if your wife is wildly successful and pulling in six figures a year she should scrap all of that and take care of the kids. You hear that ladies? Screw that law degree, give up that career in finance…your place is in the home with dirty diapers making sure dinner is hot and on the table when your husband arrives home from work. Oh wait, what’s that? You made triple what your husband makes and so you can’t afford food? Oh well, at least you’re following “God’s plan” right? Because THAT’S the important thing.

So for people like Pastor Mark, What Would Jesus Do? He would keep a $16,000 a year job and Make his wife leave a $45,000 year job with a bright future to stay at Home with are son. Not to mind that I have a degree and history working with kids. For me I have put my son and family 1st and What Would my Jesus Do, in my view point? He would not hate people that you might not agree with, or teach hate about anyone. We could go into a huge Gay talk here but WHAT WOULD my JESUS DO? He would love and accept every person for who they are. So you should figure out where I stand on that subject-

Been Way to long Daddy Blog

I will be posting much more-